November 2010
4 posts
Some 'effing hipster' robs a bank
hipsterrunoff:
Just read some ‘press release’ about how some guy robbed a bank. Then there was some sort of ‘security footage’ of him, and he ‘looked like an effing hipster’ because he was wearing a messenger bag (to carry money), emo glasses (to evaluate his surroundings), and an ‘ironic’ cream colored sweater. His age range was ‘effing...
Leslie Nielsen (February 11 1926 - November 28...
Surely, he’ll be missed…
He will be missed… but don’t call him Shirley
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Heathers (1989) - Review
Michael Lehmann’s kult kitsch klassic holds up well as a time capsule of late Eighties disassociation in high school Americana, but falls down with some wooden acting and some overtly stylised dialogue coming out as forced. It got MUCH better as it went along, though.
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Where The Wild Things Are (2009) - Review
Spike Jonze’s polarising adaptation of the children’s story classic features some beautiful cinematography, inspired direction and decent animation but suffers from a case of being a bit… well, boring.
October 2010
3 posts
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The Social Network (2010) - Review
Critic porn, likely awards magnet and veritable beacon for indie sensibilities in mainstream cinema, “The Social Network” plays like a tech-geek “Rashomon” in a world populated by the geeks and their greed.
Look out for the extended review soon.
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Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (2007) - Review
Sidney Lumet is back to his best at the helm of this (almost Shakespearian) crime melo-drama but perhaps a bit too much “Acting” acting. Hoffman is excellent as always, Ethan Hawke and Albert Finney co-star.
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The Hurricane (1999) - Review
Excellent performance from Denzel in this proficiently engrossing drama about a wrongly banged-up pro-boxer. Inherently interesting story but some of the black militancy didn’t resonate (with me).
September 2010
8 posts
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Buried (2010) - Review
One of the most remarkable pieces of filmmaking that I have encountered in years; Rodrigo Cortes manages to create a constantly engaging movie with the most basic premise possible: Ryan Reynolds has been buried alive.
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Up In The Air (2009) - Review
A peculiarly lauded movie from the talented sprog of comedy legend, Ivan - Jason Reitman conceives a rare miss that has all of his trademark visual tricks but little heart or warmth. Cold and slow.
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American Movie (1999) - Review
Cult documentary plays like a real life “This Is Spinal Tap” - only with movies. Hilarious and revealing - like a naked clown.
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Kick Ass (2010) - Review
Ripping up the comic book movie rule-book a little less than it likes to think, this ultra-enjoyable ultra-violent action-comedy is still one of the best films of the year. Okay you cunts, let’s see what you can do with the sequel…
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Pi (1998) - Review
Darren Aronofsky’s debut headfuck is film noir by way of psychological thriller/troubled genius drama. Perhaps still Aronofsky’s best film to date.
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Danny Dyer: A cut-price Ray Winstone for the Nuts...
Excellent article over at the Guardian, documenting the slight ascent and epic plummet of East End rent-a-wideboy Danny Dyer. The article gets it spot on; Dyer could have had a decent career going - he’s likeable enough given the right material and he actually can act - but his consistently terrible film choices (recent film “Pimp” grossed all of £205) and insistence on...
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Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010) - Review
Spaced alumni Edgar Wright sets phasers to geek in this— wait, I’m not sure if Wright knows anything other than geek… Oh well, just sit back and bawke at this fitfully hilarious motion picture comic book that zips and whooshs more than a massive Zip-Whoosh machine.
August 2010
42 posts
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Drugstore Cowboy (1989) - Review
Gus Vant Sant’s jet-black comedy echoes early Scorsese and cross-cuts a wicked, buzzing soundtrack with Matt Dillon’s role as the (almost) lovable junkie thief.
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Gigli (2003) - Review
The worst of the worst - it’s hard to believe that Martin Brest once directed “Beverly Hills Cop” and that somehow legends Al Pacino and Chris Walken were blackmailed into this horrible, horrible mess. Kids, drugs are bad but not as bad as Gigli.
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Oldboy (2003) - Review
A visceral head-fuck whose sleek visuals, break-neck twists and extreme violence makes for a heady mix. US remake once in the works with Will Smith and Steven Spielberg - I can’t even imagine Spielberg’s take on the hammer scene.
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A Bout de Souffle (1960) - Review
Beautifully lensed homage to the American b-movie gangsters of yore, Godard’s game-changer indadvertedly created one of the most aesthetically influential genres of all time.
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The Shining (1980) - Review
Steadicam shots, menstrual metaphors, moon landing conspiracies, child demonic possession, hacked down doors, English twins, old ladies in the bath and Jack Nicholson’s crazy laugh. Classic.
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Leon (1994) - Review
An engrossing thrilling with an uncomfortable amount of pedophiliac angst bubbling underneath some bad acting (Reno), good acting (Portman) and ridiculous acting (Oldman). Lots of milk, too.
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Sky Sports News exposes newsreaders
Long has it been the trump card in guilty crushes, but the female newsreaders from Sky Sports News have had their reps tarnished with the introduction of the new Sky Sports News HD channel.
Well, cult figure Georgie Thompson has anyway. From being considered Britain’s answer to internet love-thang Melissa Theuriau to looking a bit piggy with cellulite-ridden arms, Georgie has fallen from...
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River Phoenix (1970-1993)
True talent taken too soon. He would have been forty today.
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Justin Bieber: 800% slower = 800% better
Lego-haired tween superstar and cult internet hate figure Justin Bieber gets remixed by unknown Floridian producer Shamantis and what results is such a spectacular showing of “chillwave” ambience that perhaps J. Biebz is not as worthy of hate as we all surmised.
http://soundcloud.com/shamantis/j-biebz-u-smile-800-slower
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Rip Torn faces jail over armed B&E of "own home"
Oscar-nommed character actor and he of awesome screen-name, Rip Torn faces jail time after an inebriated Torn broke into a bank armed with a loaded gun thinking that it was his own home.
Police reports found that Torn had indeed left his hat and shoes neatly placed by the door but Judge Ginocchio (note: sounds like an alcholic puppet) took a tough stand against Torn who begged for rehab...
Joaquin Phoenix "mockumentary" trailer revealed
I’m still skeptical as to the validity of this film; he seems to have mentally imploded, shame that.
Trailer
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Stallone fucks Scott Pilgrim
Not another Stallone soft porn flick but the Edgar Wright helmed geek-fest Scott Pilgrim vs. The World is sadly getting a right royal drubbing by the testoster-fest The Expendables in the US box-office.
Everyone knows that I have a weakness for crappy action b-movies but Pilgrim really deserved a strong opening after solid reviews and fanbase, but pulling in est. $10million in the opening...
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Boogie Nights (1997) - Review
Paul Thomas Anderson makes an epic on indie money featuring Burt Reynold’s two-tone beard, Heather Graham’s skates/bush combo, John C. Reilly being John C. Reilly and Mark Whalberg’s thirteen-inch magic meat sword. Virtuosic.
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Pulp Fiction (1994) - Review
The most influential film of the last twenty years still fizzes with vigour, arrogance and stylised dialogue - shame about the crappy rip-offs it spawned (fuck you Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day).
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Mickey Rourke's Fingernails
Fucking massive nails. Like, giant all encompassing, freakish claws. I’m glad Rourke’s back in the business ‘n’ all but with that face and those nails, he’s got a long way to go before he regains his matinee idol status.
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Tron: Legacy (2010) - Preview
Early stills may look amazing but with a $200 million budget - in this climate (fuck it, any climate) - Tron: Legacy is gonna have to work very hard not to flop. Especially with directing virgin Joseph Kosinski in charge.
The film isn’t completely devoid of potential however; it features:
Spectacular visual effects
Daft Punk on the soundtrack
Jeff Bridges
Olivia Wilde (!)
Jeff...
Silence of the Lambs (1991) - Review
Somehow not as good as you remember but still pretty good, remains an endlessly quotable - if devoid of true scares - horror movie and pop culture fodder.
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The A-Team (2010) - Revew
Everything blows up but no one gets hurt in this enjoyably unashamed fluff peppered with unforgivably dodgy CGI.
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Save "The Hitchcock Nine"
Donate now to rescue nine of “The Master of Suspense”s rarest movies and bring such important films into the digital age.
http://www.bfi.org.uk/saveafilm.html
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Trainspotting (1996) - Review
From the opening sequence you know it’s a winner - doesn’t let up the pace or the quality until the credits roll (even if it does feature the fakest ceiling-baby ever).
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There Will Be Blood (2007) - Review
Paul Thomas Anderson (LEGEND) writes and directs this epic - Day-Lewis gives a big BIG performance and anchors a rewarding film for those who stick with it.
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Top Fives (Steven Seagal Special)
Top Five Seagal talents
Unbelievable hand-speed
Very thick hair
Can play Native Americans because he speaks slowly
Stabbing Tommy Lee Jones in the face in “Under Siege”
Singing
Top Five Seagal weaknesses
Unbelievable acting
Orphans
Running
Comebacks (“I’m about to take you to the bank, Senator Trent— to the blood bank”)
Starring in successful...
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Saving Private Ryan (1998) - Review
Excellent 10 minute film with an extra 160 minutes added on that spoils it. Hanks plays Hanks and fucking VIN DIESEL is in it (make of that what you will).
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Things I Would Do To Bang Scarlett Johansson
My new favourite website. More things he would do added each Friday (bookmark that shit).
Favourites:
“Have two sex changes”
“Never clap again”
http://www.thingsiwoulddotobangscarlettjohansson.com/
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“My advice to you. I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a...”
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Jonah Hill to play "Penguin" in next Batman?
A few pages have apparently “leaked” from the next Batman picture, rumoured to be Chris Nolan’s last. Supposedly surrounding the origins of the “Penguin” character and to be played by Jonah Hill - I hope not. I think Hill is great but we want Joseph Gordon-Levitt (or Johnny Depp) as “The Riddler” - God damn it - not that fucking Penguin.
...
5 tags
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) -...
Bay manages to make a movie identical to the first, yet somehow worse. Megan manages to raise erection levels but Shia LePoof is a wimpy dick.
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Transformers (2007) - Review
Michael Bay blows up shit (cars, buildings, Gen Xers childhood memories) in 139 minutes of padding as viewers only care about Megan bending over.
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Black Dynamite (2009) - Review
Blaxploitation fans will dig it but even the uninitiated won’t get left behind in this pitch perfect spoof, as BD gets the foxy ladies and makes the pushers pay. Church!
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Shutter Island (2010) - Review
Scorsese does the B-movie, but because it’s Scorsese it’s fucking cool. Worth repeat viewings, and Ruffalo nearly steals the show.
“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
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